Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
