Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
