Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
