I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
