we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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