I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
