i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
