Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
