I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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