Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
