imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize