K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
