The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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