how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
