Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
