I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
