HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize