U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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