He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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