you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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