the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
