If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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