Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
