No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
