xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
