Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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