I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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