captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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