On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
