I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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