I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
