I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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