I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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