Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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