It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
