I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
