im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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