I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
