My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
