big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
