tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
