super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
