he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
