do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
