I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
