? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
