I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
