last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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