I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
