i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
