You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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