If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize