just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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