So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
