did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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