I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
