mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
