I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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