Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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