Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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