I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's the barista slut.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
