i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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