I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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