Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
