I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
