You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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