I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bring me that man meat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
