cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
