He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
