She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
