remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
