Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
