my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
